Como mamá mi anhelo es poder hacer la paternidad bien, honrar a Dios en el proceso y con el resultado final, y tener herramientas prácticas que nos ayuden a lograrlo. Sé que hay muchas filosofías, consejos y opiniones respecto a la crianza, educación y corrección de los hijos. Mi oración es que lo que hagamos como familia esté alineado a la palabra de Dios y a la guianza del Espíritu Santo, que de buen fruto y perdure.
Hace algún tiempo leí el libro Parenting: getting it rigth escrito por Andy y Sandra Stanley. Me pareció tiene principios muy prácticos, cristo-céntricos que priorizan la conexión en las relaciones. Así que en las siguientes publicaciones quiero plasmar los principios más relevantes para nuestra familia con el objetivo de que no se me olviden y para que les puedan ser de utilidad a ustedes también.
Our North Star
Focus on relationship rather than behavior or performance
Behavior modification is not the foundation of a healthy relationship
The win for parents is healthy adult relationships with their children and healthy adult relationships between siblings - kids who enjoy being with their parents and with each other even when they no longer have to be.
The two most empowering gifts you van give your children are: a healthy marriage and a healthy parent-child relationship.
The Four Stages of Parenting- The Early Years
The discipling years (0-5 years old): you teach your child there are consequences -good and bad- to their actions. Your role in this season is to strengthen your child's obedience muscle through multiple reps and appropriate consequences. Reserve the more serious consequences for: disobedience, dishonesty and disrespect. Also take note that what is rewarded is repeated. Discipline needs to start early, it needs to be consistent and consequences need to be immediate.
The Training Years (5-12 years old): The skills we want our kids to have in public, we must train them for in private. Helping our kids gain the skill and values they need to succeed. You tell your child what to do, you explain why it is important and you help them practice and turn those things into habits. Training is what makes a champion.We explain the why behind the what. Answer this: what is most important to you? And what skills and values will get your kids there?
The Four Stages of Parenting- The Later Years
The coaching years (12-18 years old): in this stage you connect more than correct. Your goal during this stage is simply to keep them coming to you for guidance and support. You stand on the sidelines while they make independent decisions. You let them process information and decide for themselves. If you try to force teachable moments or bring back "training" tactics too often, you lose them. They stop talking. Cultivate constant conversations where they get to tell you what they think (cultivate an environment where they feel safe to talk to you and work on your poker face - don't freak out); Don't bail; let them fail (allow your kids to experience the natural consequences that stem from their actions) and get interested in what interests them.
The friendship years (18 plus years old): you can engage and connect as adults who enjoy each others company.
Don't Worship the Devil
The rules they established underscored and reinforced what was most important to them: mutually satisfying relationships. The rules were: honor your mother and don't tell a lie.
Honor is a keystone habit (small behaviors with large ripple effects).
Learning to honor one person set an expectation for how the kids where to honor each other as well as other adults. Honoring mom meant prioritizing what was important to mom.
When you point out how your kids behavior misses the mark, they will see you defending someones honor rather than merely requiring obedience for obediences or compliances sake.
Lying breaks a relationship; lying dishonors the person being lied to; Discipline your children for lying and train them to tell the truth. Make it unacceptable to lie, and enthusiastically reward the truth
Keep it simple, keep it relational.
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